Fight Club Part 3: The Hospital
I smile to myself. It is actually fortunate that there are bandages covering my entire face. This way the officer cannot detect any microexpressions on my features that may indicate I am lying. [...]
reviews
I Am Starting My Own Fight Club
Since I plan to model my life around a book I had better make it something exciting. Something particularly visceral. Something punchy. Perhaps, in this case, the obvious choice is the best one. [...]
It is Time to Have a Novel Experience
I have grown tired of the endless desert of dry literary analysis. I've collapsed, my throat parched for something different. Something refreshing. [...]
A Life or Death Decision About Toothpaste
It was the smell that woke me. A putrid array of filth and decay assaulted my nostrils, so rancid that it was sticky and palpable. In a flash of groggy horror, I realized what was causing such a stench:
I had not brushed my teeth in days. [...]
Zootopia is a Movie About Adorable Animals and Crack Cocaine
Zootopia is a Disney movie about adorable talking animals living in harmony. It's also about crack cocaine and conspiracy theories. Seriously. [...]
So… One of Our Writers Might Be Dead (and Other Discussions)
The higher-ups here don't seem too worried. They say this kind of stuff happens all the time, and that the longer he's on hiatus the less they have to pay him. [...]
Oprah’s Favorite Things Are Insane
Oprah's words of wisdom have gotten a little strange over the years. [...]
4 Tips for NaNoWriMo From Someone Who Has Never Done It Before
When I attempted to complete NaNoWriMo last year, I simply wrote the word “gibberish” over and over and over again. Unfortunately, I fell short of the goal by 2,000 words. [...]
An Update About the Follower Contest and My Dog
Recently I announced a sort of a contest here on The Double Thumb. Whoever became the 100th follower would receive an ungodly amount of croissants. Well I am pleased to announce the winner of that competition: Alexil Fajardo! Congratulations! [...]
A Nostalgic Look at 4 Classic Kid’s Foods and the Children I Stole Them From
Remember kid food? You'd start the morning with a bowl of cereal sugary enough to give a hummingbird a boner, go to school and slap each other across the face with tubes of Go-Gurt, then finish off the day with a nice dinner of Gushers and Mountain Dew. [...]
The Best Cookware to Keep Yourself From Getting Killed
I sat at my boss' desk with my hands clasped on my lap. I would have been the picturesque image of a model employee, had the gauze wrapped around my skull not started leaking again. [...]
A Review of the Apple Watch That My Brother Has But Won’t Let Me See
I don't think you understand how much this watch means to me. [...]
Grand Theft Auto 5 is So Realistic I Became Friends With It
A weird feeling of unease had started to gnaw its way into my gut. This was starting to feel a little too realistic. [...]
The Top 5 Books I’m Currently Burning for Warmth
Have you ever actually tried to burn a book? It isn't an easy thing to do. They don't light up into a ball of fire the instant you put a torch to them. It takes a bit to get them going. [...]
Knocking Kids Off Bicycles and Other Fun Uses For Your Leftover Easter Eggs
If you're like me and you muscled your way past the children in the family in order to collect the most Easter eggs, then right now you've probably got more hard boiled eggs than you know what to do with. [...]
4 Cinematic Masterpieces Reviewed in Utter Gibberish Because It’s April Fools’ Day
Number doorstop flamp wunder horse, but tolf flubber lift colon bear. Holistic shellfer trubs, lip sex bulder schmarpf plont furderniftelmentation torf whiff. [...]
Sriracha is a Lifestyle Choice
For a whole week I incorporated the hot sauce into nearly every aspect of my daily routine. I ate it on everything, I drank it, I bathed in it, I dumped buckets of it off highway overpasses. Here's what I learned. [...]
A Review of “The Dress”
Okay look, clearly there's some dark magic Devil shit going on here. [...]
A Review of The Walking Dead Based Only on Spoilers
If I wanted to see teeming masses of mindless husks shuffling around without any ambition other than the unending desire to consume, I'd go to an Apple store. [...]
Fifty Shades of Grey Was the Worst Movie I Have Ever Seen at 7:45 Last Monday Night
Does this film degrade modern cinema, and the whole of culture by extension? I have no idea, but it certainly was the low point of my cultural perspective for about half an evening. [...]
Godiva Chocolates Gold Box: The Perfect Gift for Your Lunatic Valentine!
Sure, it was still a couple days until Valentine's Day, but I just couldn't contain myself. I wanted to see her again, even if she was a violently unstable potential murderer. [...]
4 Sad Movies Reviewed Solely by Their Wikipedia Plot Summaries
I don't have the energy to sit through two hours of actors making sad faces. There is enough drama and whining on my real life Facebook feed, so I don't need movies adding to it. [...]
A Review of the Chipotle I Just Robbed
I got no time for disrespect. What I do got time for though is delicious food. You bitches stick by me and I’ll tell you all about the tastiest shit you can shove into your teeth cave. [...]
I Guess I Just Hate Children – A Review of Harry Potter
I don't think these books are corrupting kids with their subtle Satanic messages. If anything, I wish they were. At least then these little bastards would have something interesting about them. [...]
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