(Action! Excitement! Erotic undertones! Your wildest fever dreams come true! If you ain’t caught up yet then read the rest of this series here!)
And yeah, I can name stuff after myself. Alexander the Great did it all the time and he was a little bitch compared to me.
Did he ever heroically jump between powerboats? I didn’t think so.
I landed like a pro too, not stumbling even a little bit. Husk, standing three feet from me, looked both pissed and impressed. I trained my gun on his stupid face.
I said, “Eat my flaming hot dick, you sick-”
Husk moved fast for a guy his size.
He ducked below the muzzle of the rifle and charged me like the gelatinous bull he was. He punched me hard right in the gut, a vicious uppercut that made each of my internal organs take turns slamming into my ribcage. The gun flew out of my hands and disappeared into the boat’s wake.
I stumbled backwards, taking care not to step on Manatee Joe, who lay right in the dead center of the boat, flapping his tail. Husk moved in and grasped me around the waist. With what seemed like zero effort he flipped my legs out from beneath me and sent me crashing onto my face. Before I could recover he grabbed me by the neck like a kitten. I thrashed as he dragged me toward the side of the boat, no doubt with the intention of throwing me overboard.
Before he do anything of the sort, I saw something move behind him. A figure, leaping from one boat to the other, like I had done a minute before.
I said, “Maria! Oh shit, no, what are you-”
I have to admit, she stuck the landing even better than I had. Preserving her momentum, she smashed into Husk, her recklessness taking both of us by surprise. She attacked immediately, shouting, “Hey, fucker. I want my manatee back!”
She punched him in the ear with one hand and went for his eyes with the other. Husk managed to grab her by the wrist at the last second and shove her away.
Using Husk’s momentary distraction to my advantage, I managed to roll onto my back and kick him right behind the knees. His legs buckled, though he remained standing. I hopped up and attacked him again at the same time Maria did, hoping that the two of us would be enough to bring the bastard down.
Dominika watched from the helm of the other boat, still speeding along beside us. She turned the wheel and smashed the sides of the boats together like this was a pirate raid. It broke us apart, each of us stumbling and flailing to keep ourselves from toppling over the sides.
Sid, the acting captain of our vessel, raised a rifle of his own and fired it toward Dominika. Unarmed, she had no choice but to kill the throttle and veer away from us. There was nothing more she could do now. Maria and I were on our own.
Sid swung the gun in our direction. I had no doubt that he meant to fire indiscriminately. Before he could get the gun fully raised I threw myself at him. My arms wrapped around his legs and I drug him away from the helm. He grabbed at the throttle but it remained firmly on. Now the boat thundered full speed ahead, in whichever direction our thrashing limbs knocked the steering wheel.
I grabbed Sid’s gun arm, digging my thumbnail deep into the tendons on the inside of his wrist. I tried to knee him in the balls but kept hitting his hip, over and over. Finally, his fingers gave in and released the firearm. It fell to the deck of the boat and slid toward Manatee Joe. He raised his flipper thing right at the perfect second and the gun slid beneath him.
“Joe, my man!” I hollered, right before Sid punched me in the back of the head.
I fell forward, almost landing right on top of Manatee Joe. I groped for the gun, but Sid grabbed my arm and yanked it back. His other arm snaked around my front and seized hold. I fought back, keeping his hands away from my face and throat. We collapsed into a stalemate, our limbs twisted together like a furious pretzel.
Maria battled her own front against the gargantuan Husk. It quickly became clear that he had every advantage: height, weight, and the general shittiness needed to win fights. She danced around his sides, trying to go for vulnerable targets like his ears and crotch. I’ll give her credit: she was quick. Husk would throw a punch and she would dodge it with inches to spare. But she simply didn’t have the firepower to take Husk down. You’d need a cruise missile.
When he finally landed a blow it was as devastating as you’d expect. His fist collided with the side of her face with a crack you could hear even over the screeching boat motor. She spun in place like a cartoon character then collapsed to the floor of the boat. She fell onto her back, arms akimbo, one hand landing hard onto my crotch. I groaned and curled up as my testicles saw stars. Husk leaped atop her, the shift of his great weight changing the angle of the boat’s trajectory.
He pulled back his arm and punched her again, this time right in her busted rib cage. Her scream turned into a wretched gurgle. Red foam spluttered out of her mouth, dribbling down her chin.
Her fingers fumbled for my waistband. I gasped. It was obvious what she was after. It didn’t look like there was any way that either of us would survive much longer, so she wanted to give one last handjob before death. I totally respected that. I even parted my thighs to give her easier access. Her hand slipped into the waistband of my underwear right as Husk grabbed her by the neck. She was gonna have to be quick if she wanted to finish jerking me off before he snapped her neck. Luckily, in this context, quickness was my specialty.
“Homewrecker!” Husk screamed at Maria, squeezing her throat. “This manatee is mine, do you understand? I won’t let you come between us!”
Her eyes bulged and the movement of her fingers became more frantic. Her hand slipped beneath the elastic and into my still-damp underwear. Husk roared at Maria, his red face inches from her purple one. He crushed her beneath him, squeezing the life out of her like a tube of toothpaste.
Then, finally, Maria grasped her prize. Not my beefy Johnson, unfortunately, but something else inside my undies. The Megalodon tooth, still tucked in place after all this hullabaloo.
Maria’s hand emerged from my boxers, the great prehistoric fossil gripped tight within her white-knuckled fingers. She swung with all her might, hooking her elbow around Husk’s arms and driving the point of the tooth straight into his left eye.
His eyeball popped like a cherry tomato.
Husk screamed and released Maria. She gasped for air as he staggered backwards, flailing in agony. He clawed at the protruding tooth, still lodged firmly in his eye socket. Blood bubbled up around the bone and dripped onto the floor in great puddles.
His violent lurching stopped right at Maria’s feet. She raised a leg up and gently pressed her foot into his groin – not like a kick, simply a little push. It tipped him away just ever so slightly that he had to step back to catch himself. But Husk, being busy with the screaming and the bleeding, had not taken into account his position on the boat. His foot landed on nothing but the thin air just in front of the bow of the boat.
His good eye widened as he toppled into the crystal green waters of the Gulf of Mexico.
The boat, still speeding along, had no mercy on him. The whole thing lurched upward as it smashed into and over him. Then came several sickening dull thuds from the prop. A trail of red appeared in our wake. A vaguely human-shaped lump of flesh slowly rose to the surface of the water, not to move again until some unfortunate fishing trawler caught him up in its net.
Recovering more quickly than I expected her to, Maria bounded over to the helm of the boat and shut off the throttle. The boat slowed, then finally drifted to a stop as it rolled along with the ocean waves.
Sid, seeming uncertain about the course of action to take now that he was outnumbered, maintained his chokehold on me. Fortunately Maria heard my gasping and rushed over. She kicked him repeatedly in the head until finally he relaxed his grip on me. I pulled away and jumped to my feet, victorious.
“Yeeeaahh, you like that, bitch?! You better stay down or there’ll be plenty more Chris/Maria tag team action coming your way!”
I fished the gun out from beneath Manatee Joe, lifting his flipper ever so gently. I trained it on Sid to discourage him from trying anything Sid-like.
He rolled his eyes. “Oh, come on. You talk a big game, Chris, but that’s where it ends. Think about this. With my client out of the picture, I don’t exactly have any motivation for keeping this manatee, do I? So go ahead, take it. I already got paid, so really this is a win-win for all of us.”
The sounds of another boat motor drew closer, eventually pulling alongside us.
“Just let me go, Chris. We had our differences and we’ve resolved them. You’ve never been the type to hold a grudge. You won your challenge. Now let’s go our separate ways.”
I shrugged. “Sorry bro, I don’t think that’s really up to me.”
“You’ll have to speak with my associate.”
Dominika stepped onto the boat. She looked first at Sid, staring at him long and hard. Then she went to Maria and looked her over. They spoke in low whispers as Dominika checked various spots on Maria. Satisfied that her injuries were not immediately life threatening, Dominika finally turned to me.
She said, “We trade boats. You take manatee. I take him.”
I nodded. It made sense. There was no way to gracefully haul Manatee Joe into our original boat. Sid, on the other hand, was much easier to transport. Without any further discussion, Dominika grabbed him by the neck like he was a kitten. She hauled him over the side and dumped him into the other boat. He stood, backing away, his frantic eyes appealing toward me.
“Hey, Chris, buddy, come on man, you’re not going to let her do this, are you?”
Dominika silenced him with a look. She turned back and looked between Maria and I, as if daring us to try and stop her. Neither of us had any desire to.
I held the gun out to her. “Hey, you want this?”
“No,” she said. She held up her hands, balled them into fists. “I have enough.”
Keeping one eye on Sid to make sure he didn’t try bailing overboard, Dominika helped Maria start our boat. Then she climbed into the boat with Sid. He backed into the far side of vessel. His eyes darted to the water over the side of the boat, then to the Florida coast in the distance, then to Dominika. He seemed to reach the obvious conclusion that he was too far to try to swim away. He was well and truly stuck here.
To us, Dominika said, “Go now.”
We exchanged brief goodbyes and thanks. Dominika returned them somewhat distantly. Her focus had shifted. She turned on Sid, looming over him like she did all others.
“You take me from my family,” she said to the ever-shrinking human trafficker. “Keep me prisoner. Do things. Hurt me. Kill my friend. You hire men to protect you, but no more them. Now just us.”
She grabbed him by the throat.
I sat with Joe as Maria pushed the throttle forward. She guided the boat back the way we had come, returning to the bay. Only once did I peek behind us at Dominika and Sid. I found myself grateful that our boat’s motor was loud enough to block out all the other sounds.
Read the rest of this series here.