The Double Thumb

Attack of the Megalodon (The Florida Challenge Part 10)

March 24, 2016 // 5 Comments

The thing was still down there, poking at me. I plunged my arm into the water after it, trying to mash it in my fingers. If I was gonna be dragged down to the depths by some Kraken then I planned on taking it to hell with me. [...]

No Friends in High Places (The Florida Challenge Part 9)

March 22, 2016 // 3 Comments

Sunshine Skyway, Florida Manatee Challenge

For what it's worth, I still felt relatively confident about our chances of survival. Then I took one peek over the edge and completely changed my mind. [...]

Zootopia is a Movie About Adorable Animals and Crack Cocaine

March 17, 2016 // 6 Comments

Zootopia is a Disney movie about adorable talking animals living in harmony. It's also about crack cocaine and conspiracy theories. Seriously. [...]

Some Light Felony Kidnapping (The Florida Challenge Part 8)

March 15, 2016 // 1 Comment

Well, none of this has gone according to plan. Stealing animals out of zoos used to be so much easier back in the day, you know? Now it's all, "stop!" this and "let the manatee go" that. [...]

So… One of Our Writers Might Be Dead (and Other Discussions)

March 10, 2016 // 10 Comments

The higher-ups here don't seem too worried. They say this kind of stuff happens all the time, and that the longer he's on hiatus the less they have to pay him. [...]

The Florida Challenge Part 7: Chaos & Terror

March 8, 2016 // 1 Comment

The sloth bear was 400 pounds of muscle encased in shaggy black fur and tipped with massive, razor sharp claws. And now it was free and hungry and running our way. [...]

The Florida Challenge Part 6: The Heist

March 3, 2016 // 1 Comment

There wasn't anyone around to stop us from leaving the zoo. All we had to do was load the manatee and drive off. A clean getaway. Or so we thought. [...]

The Florida Challenge Part 5: Trouble at the Zoo

March 1, 2016 // 1 Comment

I grinned wider than my first girlfriend's beer gut. Here I was, right on the cusp of bagging my manatee. Ain't nothing gonna stop me now! [...]

The Florida Manatee Challenge Part 4: The Smuggler

February 25, 2016 // 1 Comment

I want to liberate a manatee. Help the poor thing escape from this land of hurricanes and alligators. This is a moral crusade! Also I really want to win a bet. [...]

The Florida Manatee Challenge Part 3: A Trip to the Zoo

February 2, 2016 // 2 Comments

OK, so my manatee hunt hit a pretty big snag right from the start. Mainly that I had no idea where to find a manatee. I was pretty sure that they were mostly aquatic, but that was about all I had to go off of. [...]

The Florida Manatee Challenge Part 2: The Rules

January 19, 2016 // 2 Comments

I first learned about the Florida Manatee Challenge from my buddy Husk. I call him that because he doesn't have a soul. Still a good guy though, if you don't happen to have anything he wants. [...]

The Florida Manatee Challenge

January 12, 2016 // 1 Comment

Ah, the Sunshine State! It's called that because the sun is billions of years old and so is the majority of the population of Florida. [...]

Oprah’s Favorite Things Are Insane

November 9, 2015 // 0 Comments

Oprah's words of wisdom have gotten a little strange over the years. [...]

4 Tips for NaNoWriMo From Someone Who Has Never Done It Before

November 2, 2015 // 1 Comment

When I attempted to complete NaNoWriMo last year, I simply wrote the word “gibberish” over and over and over again. Unfortunately, I fell short of the goal by 2,000 words. [...]

An Update About the Follower Contest and My Dog

June 30, 2015 // 0 Comments

Recently I announced a sort of a contest here on The Double Thumb. Whoever became the 100th follower would receive an ungodly amount of croissants. Well I am pleased to [...]

A Nostalgic Look at 4 Classic Kid’s Foods and the Children I Stole Them From

June 23, 2015 // 3 Comments

Remember kid food? You'd start the morning with a bowl of cereal sugary enough to give a hummingbird a boner, go to school and slap each other across the face with tubes of Go-Gurt, then finish off the day with a nice dinner of Gushers and Mountain Dew. [...]