I Wrote This While Masturbating

A Tale of Erotica

  

The vast field of literary erotica is rarely welcoming, yet it embraces Randy Johnson with open arms. Johnson, a first time author, attacks the genre with the passion befit of a true erotic author. Johnson’s symbolism, art of storytelling and general presentation far exceeds this reviewer’s (admittedly skeptical) expectations. I Wrote This While Masturbating offers a fresh, and highly arousing, re-invigoration of the erotica genre.

However, erotica frequenters should take note: I Wrote This is short in comparison to some of the other books in the genre. The sample below presents the book almost in its entirety. Only one paragraph has been cut from the original text (due to this review’s word count restrictions). However, while some might shy away from it because of this, rest assured that the book never feels too short. In fact, the book feels like being there with the actual acts. Reading it, one can feel themselves going through the courtship, foreplay, and “business” parts of the adventure almost in real time. The book takes the reader on a whirlwind adventure that is sure to please in all the right ways.

Verdict

8.9 out of 10

 

Sample Chapter

Chapter 1

Stallion Jones Excalibur was a dashing pirate of the high seas. His diamond-hard washboard abs glistened in the moonlight as he walked, shirtless, toward the manor of Governor Jonathon Portly and his four beautiful daughters. Stallion’s ship had just been attacked by pirates (other ones) and sank four miles out in the ocean. Stallion had been forced to swim to shore, through a hurricane and a typhoon, and now he need a place to sleep. He was all shirtless and his sweat mixed in with the salt water and glistened all ruggedly on his chest. On his washboard abs.

He got up to the manor and knocked all man-like. The door opened and a beautiful blonde maiden answered. She had boobs, and they were all up in Stallion’s business.

“Hello,” she said. “My name is Davenoreesa. I am Governor Portly’s hot daughter. He’s all off on governor stuff, so I’m here all alone with my three other beautiful sisters and we’re all afraid of lightning. Please come in!”

It was totally lightninging right then, so Stallion walked in. Standing there was three other hot daughters. In addition to Davenoreesa being blonde, one sister was a brunette, one was a redhead, and the last one was bald probably because of the chemo. She rubbed up against her IV drip stand all slutty-like.

“Please, come eat dinner with us,” Davenoreesa said, “We’re having tacos.”

They went and ate dinner. Stallion sat at the head of the table. He grabbed four tacos and licked all of the inside stuff out, and then gently ate the shells. The girls didn’t eat anything, because they didn’t want to have to poop again that month. They all had some conversation and character developing, and then they all went to bed.

* * *

Later, Stallion went up to Davenoreesa’s room and they had like all this witty dialogue, and then they totally boned. She got all naked for him, her titties poking all out and shit. He pulled out his man sausage and slapped her a couple times with it. She laughed and got all wet for it. She pulled off her pj’s and she was all hairless and dripping like a fire hydrant. And her boobs were like double D’s or something bigger. Probably bigger. But they were all wet for it too. So they were just about to start doing it when her sister (the redhead one) came in to borrow season 1 of Chappelle’s show on DVD and she started to freak out at first, but then she saw Stallion’s perfectly proportioned length-to-girth ratio and immediately started making out with her sister.

Stallion watched for a while and then jumped on top of them and started doing all eight holes available to him. The girls started moaning, and then the other sisters ran in, instantly climaxed, and then stripped and joined in. They were all so wet they did permanent water damage to the floorboards. The blonde one grabbed a belt and choked Stallion with it a bit, then he huffed some of that computer dust-off, and DP’d two chicks at once. They moaned and slopped against each other and it was a just a huge puree of boobs and tits and butts and hot boning. Then Stallion blew a huge load all over the room and went to bed.

FIN.

 

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About The Double Thumb (21 Articles)
The Double Thumb is a publication featuring long-form reviews, serialized columns, and cultural commentary curated by a group of talented yet largely unstable writers. It is our mission to uncover what we see as the heart of an issue and present it to our readers, still beating and squirting blood.

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