cooking

I Made A Sandwich That Ruined a Child’s Day

May 10, 2016 // 2 Comments

I Made a Peanut Butter Sandwich That Ruined a Child's Day

My nephew is staying over at my house while my sister and her husband are out of town. For a while I got away with feeding the kid raw vegetables and saltines, but three days in I figured it might be time to cook something. [...]

I Somehow Managed to Screw Up Ham and Eggs

April 28, 2016 // 9 Comments

I Somehow Managed to F**k Up Ham and Eggs

There’s really no excuse for this kind of outcome, other than my own perpetual incompetence. But that’s life isn’t it? A series of mistakes followed by lessons learned. Yes, sometimes your food doesn’t come out the way you want it. We adapt, we grow, and we try to move on. [...]

The Beginning of My Kitchen Failures

April 19, 2016 // 1 Comment

If, years ago, you had told my college-age self that one day she would be getting paid to write a food and cocktail recipe column, she would have laughed right in your face and turned away to do another four bong hits. [...]

A Nostalgic Look at 4 Classic Kid’s Foods and the Children I Stole Them From

June 23, 2015 // 3 Comments

Remember kid food? You'd start the morning with a bowl of cereal sugary enough to give a hummingbird a boner, go to school and slap each other across the face with tubes of Go-Gurt, then finish off the day with a nice dinner of Gushers and Mountain Dew. [...]

The Best Cookware to Keep Yourself From Getting Killed

June 16, 2015 // 1 Comment

I sat at my boss' desk with my hands clasped on my lap. I would have been the picturesque image of a model employee, had the gauze wrapped around my skull not started leaking again. [...]