Website: Daily Life Tips

 

Daily Life Tips is a website built on the cancerous lies the Illuminati dole out to the populace to seed the illusion that we have control over our own lives.

Full disclaimer: I have been drinking quite heavily since early this morning.

This is where I’ve spent most of my day.

Daily Life Tips describes itself as “a resource for constant improvement and mastery of one’s own life.” But a far more accurate slogan would be “simple tips for selling your soul to the mediocrity machine that is modern life.” This website compiles a bunch of bite sized, feel good slogans pasted over vague pictures that are supposed to be interpreted as moving or inspirational. They’re just like the mass produced motivational posters you see all over the place.

The website has a bright color scheme, 85% of which is ads for “reducing belly fat.” Beyond that, there isn’t much to it, despite a sickeningly pretentious staff bio page and a fucking “Contact Us!” button that fucking no one will use fucking ever.

But let us unfortunately move on to the main aspect: the life tips. As the site name implies, these update daily, in a slideshow format that allows the lonely and desperate to click through hundreds of pages of this drivel in a feeble attempt to stimulate some part of their being that isn’t completely worthless.

Now this is just completely false. It is a scientifically proven fact that people can’t do anything they put their mind to. Little Debora wants to be an astronaut when she grows up.  Timmy wants to be able to walk again. I want to change the past without destroying the future. But they shut down the space program, little Timmy has incurable polio, and no matter how many times I try to change things I will never be able to save the ones I love.

First off: Don’t ever fucking tell me how to live my life. Secondly, that girl is clearly jumping, not stepping. Your little quip doesn’t even match your picture, dipshits.

Hey Daily Life Tips. Have you ever killed a man? Have you ever slid a knife across his throat and then held him as the life bled out of him? You apologize to him the entire time, wishing with everything inside you that this didn’t have to happen. But it did. The man never did anything wrong, but you had to end him because of what was to come. He had his life, his family, his dreams, but they were all a narrow vision. You can see the big picture. That is your curse. You can see it all, the inevitable necessity of every horrifying act of violence in this world. The forces at work behind it all. And so you had to kill him. And the others too. Because you are damned. Damned to know. Have you ever experienced that? I thought not.

The world is a dark place. The world is filthy and evil. Perhaps your “life tips” should reflect that.

Fine, fuck it, I’m finishing these bottles.

Verdict

Fuck You out of 10.

 

Outside image credits: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5

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About The Double Thumb (21 Articles)
The Double Thumb is a publication featuring long-form reviews, serialized columns, and cultural commentary curated by a group of talented yet largely unstable writers. It is our mission to uncover what we see as the heart of an issue and present it to our readers, still beating and squirting blood.

1 Comment on Website: Daily Life Tips

  1. edgy

    Like

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